March 30, 2005

Canons to the right,Canons to the Left

I was living a blissful life...Until they came...Some of my soothsayer friends had prophesized their arrival..In case u are wondering what I'm talking abt, my senior team mates(meaning mini bosses) have shifted right next to me...Pretty jarring aint it?One day you are happily dozing off after an exotic luncheon at the office cafetaria (I'm being sarcastic abt the food here in case u morons didnt get it) ,refreshing cricinfo every five minutes for the updated cricket score,pinging IndiaTimes for latest gossip on all the filmstars and fiemstarnees etc., etc., and the next day you find yourself surrounded by two radars.One day you are the sole galee kaa goonda and the next day you have Jack and Jill next to you.Well, I guess from now on, I gotta be really swift in minimizing windows.Reminds me of one of my evil neighbours at school...He once threatened to report my name to the teacher for reading a novel in class.I was reading some Nancy Drew mystery and Nancy was supposed to be a hot chick.I got away by bribing him with a Samosa .And dont you dare laugh....Samosa was a luxury in those days...Dont know if I can bribe these chaps.Lemme see..Like they say, all good things come to an end,so do all bad things.I no longer have to suffer the perilious journey from my place to theirs.They shall be enlightening me on the subtleties and nuances of development right here :-).
Alls well that ends well...

March 23, 2005

Random Babble - I

The concept of 'uncle' has enjoyed an universal appeal since the days of I dont know who.The term 'uncle' has made the life of earthlings a tad too easy...All kinsmen are uncles ...I once had a mallu friend and every Tom,Dick and Harry and more specifically every Anoop Ivan Chacko,Chinku Kurian,Lizy Darling ,Bibo Vergese and Laila Kutty(In case you are wondering where you remember these names from--No these arent code names for projects used in Air Commando special operations-Neither are they pseudonyms assumed by performers in an underground bar--rather they are 'pretty' common mallu names) qualified to be his uncle/aunty.He could smell a mallu a kilometre away.sniff sniff....and once they met,they was no separating them..And mallu is the most disturbing language in the entire universe I tell you...listening to two ppl talk in mallu acts like slow poison...Hitler was unaware of this I suppose...All he had to do was to make a person deliver a lecture in mallu on the microphone....THUD THUD THUD....that would be the sound of the inmates of the concentration camp dropping dead....Back home in gultland,the scene is not that bad but is bad enough.Mom's brother,dad's brother, a middle aged neighbour, Shopkeeper of a kirana store across the street,dad's friend, friend's dad- everybody is an unkul, unless he uses Godrej hair dye(Remember that ad...)..Once me and my friend were caught crossing a traffic signal at a busy intersection in the city.All my friend had to do was to declare that the city police commisioner was his uncle and we were set free.He later explained the exact relationship to me...Well if what he said applies,then dear friends----Shah Rukh Khan is my uncle.....More about Shah Rukh uncle later....

Uncles fall into two categories...Nice ones - People who have tantalizing daughters and would like you or preferably me, to teach their daughters advanced math (People seem to have this impression that I'm good at math, I dont know why but why do they not realize the simple fact that I have commendable bike driving skills)...It would be blasphemy to talk anything ill about them.It also includes people who have raised creatures who declare themselves your friends and provide shelter when you are intoxicated and cannot go home...And then there are not so good ones...I'm talking about some painful dudes who judge u by their own set of rules.Our destiny is to continue on their personal journey and the expectency of spiritual progression.Their anxiety and unsatiating thirst for knowledge impels them to ask embarrasing questions at unearthly hours...like for example, asking me my wherabouts on the previous night after a hard night out at the pub is simply unacceptable....I dont usually lie.It does not agree with my principles.. But under such circumstances, to preserve the balance of the society,and respecting the well being of my folks ,I'm forced to lie .Have a heart people..Rules are meant to be broken and sins are meant to commited..God is merciful....All u gotta do is to keep reading a few verses from your respective holy books loudly after you turn fifty...It should be loud enough for your children and grand children in your neighbouring room to hear..So the next time you discover your grandparents involved in some rigid and tense "worshipping" shouting at the top of their voice, you can be pretty sure that they have sinned like crazy.Dont let them down friends.Live upto your tradition.God will forgive them and God will forgive you....
Peace, love and empathy..............

March 15, 2005

Event Horizon

Aamaal ka talism hai nairang e zindagi...
Taqdeer kyaa hai, gardish-e-lail o nihaar kyaa.....

"Sajid....."I heard a faint voice.....I was testing a piece of software our group had written..I turned around and saw Sethig (pronounced Sethi jee...thanks to a certain policy of our firm to refer to people by their login names,which in turn, are derived by a particular amalgamation of the first and the last names, she earned her due respect in classic Indian Ishtyle...) laughing away to glory with her hands over her mouth...Shock,disbelief and finally hysteria showed over her face.....Last time I had seen Aishwarya Rai wearing a similar expression after winning the Miss World title.....Right beside was Krovid (Pronounced Krovi Dee...I know I know......A name like that would put classical psychedelic rock bands to shame....) looking aghaaaast....I went over to their desk...They asked me to look at a certain mail on his outlook....The subject said "It matters not how strait the gate"......I knew the sky had fallen..These brave words were spoken by the poet W.E.Henley...And now,again by me....And apparently I made sure these words didnt go unnoticed or unheard.....
One of my test programs had generated a huge set of mails and spammed nearly 50 employees within the firm,some of them belonging to the top management....I had forgotten to turn off the mail option which was one of the parameters in our program, which in turn lead to the catastrophe.....I had written some 75 testcases and most of them failed....God knows what would have happened,if all of them passed....And the interesting(forgive me for calling it interesting) part was,most of the mails that spammed the top brass were sent on behalf of Krovi. And he sat there smiling...I couldnt assimilate his mirth....It reminded me of Boman Irani and his laughter therapy in Munna Bhai...
Then our project leader made his entry....For a moment there was a complete silence, noisier than a cascade.I began to fall apart...I mean,I simply cracked all over like a piece of old furniture.I remembered the last time I received a spanking.I was in class eight.My teacher beat me because I spilled ink on his shirt.At that time we derived tremendous amount of pleasure thru' such innocent and asinine acts...What will my PL do? Will he ask me to kneel down with my hands raised up....or will he ask me to write "I wont do this again ever in my life" in my notebook a thousand times?? the latter was quite acceptable....Kneeling down in office in front of all the employees is not a great idea I tell u......Fortunately,he didnt resort to either of these...Contrary to my perceptions,he just came to my desk,went thru' all the spam mails,noted down the mail ids of the recepients from the header and later mailed everybody on the list,apologizing for the unintentional act.He assumed total reponsibility for the incident..Later,he came to my desk and asked me to be careful with the system in the future....I heaved a sigh of relief......
I assume I had been absolved. A lesson had been learnt.But only after the damage had been done.
It matters not how strait the gate.....
How charged with punishment the scroll....
We are the masters of our fate.......
We are the captains of our soul.....

March 12, 2005

The Man Who Killed a Cockroach

Why am I Blogging?
An excerpt from a conversation with one of my friends.......

Sajid : Mere paas looks hai, charm hai, wit hai, brains hai, perception hai, reflexes hai, IQ hai aur........ Maa hai...tere paas kyaa hai?
Sajid ka Dost : Mere pass blog hai.....

Sajid ke aankhon me aansoo.....

And hence my dear friends I'm out here to seek that extra qualification to seek complete salvation......And by the way I heard pretty girls are falling for bloggers these days...Assuming facts , allow me to proceed.....

Who am I ?
'I am that I am'...Thus spake Sajid unto mankind....I heard quite a few historians have spent a career 'researching' on this phrase and have given different interpretations...I sympathize with all of them....For it is nothing but a certain creature belonging to the 'homo sapien' genus in the animal kingdom and going by the name 'Sajid Hussain'.

Who are my friends ?
I have quite a few friends.....Friends come with enemies and hence I got quite a few enemies too....My friends too, belong to the animal kingdom.......u know....caste,creed,race,genus aur sex ke baare me poochnaa galat hai....isliye kabhi poocha nahee.... Neways, If u think u r my friend,pass me ur url and I'll publish it on my space.

What do I do?
Interesting question.When I am not blogging I do quite a few things :-)..

First and foremost : I need to live to serve mankind....I need to feed myself in order to live..And in order to feed myself I need food...And none of the stores in my town give away food for free...And hence I need money...Money doesnt grow on trees....we need to earn it....And therefore my dear friends, I am working at a software firm in Hyderabad,in a way, serving a man and his kind..chain reaction u see ..roti, kapde aur cereal juices kaa bhaada nikal jaata hai......

Movies : When I am not blogging and not serving mankind, I watch movies...I have a pretty diverse taste sweeping all genres(Ah except one...I dont watch mallu dash movies)....I love flicks which rely on strong dialogue and non conventional screenplay....and thus I am in love with filmmakers like Tarantino and Kubrick.(Pretty girls....dun worry...Tarantino is just a passing cloud and Kubrick is dead) ...U should be seeing a list of my all time favourite movies in one of my posts in the near future....

Music : again very eclectic....all genres and all languages...In future, u'll be seeing comprehensive posts on my perspective on various artists and bands.

Reading : Personally barber shop magazines are my favourite.But I do manage to read some good fiction once in a while.And Rushdie's got an extra mouth to feed now...So I'm planning to buy all his books and encourage u too to buy them.

Sports : I cant lie...I play everything and am not really good at anything.. shud start playing tennis again...Sania Mirza u see................

What did I do?
I've been dwelling on this planet for the past 22 yrs,so the question arises how I've spent these years..Well more of that in my future posts.

Am I a bastard?
Apparently no.....I have two parents..........Both married.........To each other............

What is my lineage?
As mentioned above,I have two parents...They were a happy couple until the day I was born....Seemingly. they spent a fortune in raising me up and I guess by now u must be thinking-Poor things.... should have spent that dough on buying a buffalo and a few acres of farm instead...But as u know indian parents are unreasonably fond of their children and I guess they still have a ray of hope that one day I might be worth more than a buffalo and a few acres of land . I have a sister....who by the way isnt married....But I guess that is not going to help all the romeos out thr 'cause I know shes going to follow the Indian tradition and marry my Dads ugly decision.I have two grandfathers....................................

March 07, 2005

The Beginning

Arise!!Awake!!