March 23, 2005

Random Babble - I

The concept of 'uncle' has enjoyed an universal appeal since the days of I dont know who.The term 'uncle' has made the life of earthlings a tad too easy...All kinsmen are uncles ...I once had a mallu friend and every Tom,Dick and Harry and more specifically every Anoop Ivan Chacko,Chinku Kurian,Lizy Darling ,Bibo Vergese and Laila Kutty(In case you are wondering where you remember these names from--No these arent code names for projects used in Air Commando special operations-Neither are they pseudonyms assumed by performers in an underground bar--rather they are 'pretty' common mallu names) qualified to be his uncle/aunty.He could smell a mallu a kilometre away.sniff sniff....and once they met,they was no separating them..And mallu is the most disturbing language in the entire universe I tell you...listening to two ppl talk in mallu acts like slow poison...Hitler was unaware of this I suppose...All he had to do was to make a person deliver a lecture in mallu on the microphone....THUD THUD THUD....that would be the sound of the inmates of the concentration camp dropping dead....Back home in gultland,the scene is not that bad but is bad enough.Mom's brother,dad's brother, a middle aged neighbour, Shopkeeper of a kirana store across the street,dad's friend, friend's dad- everybody is an unkul, unless he uses Godrej hair dye(Remember that ad...)..Once me and my friend were caught crossing a traffic signal at a busy intersection in the city.All my friend had to do was to declare that the city police commisioner was his uncle and we were set free.He later explained the exact relationship to me...Well if what he said applies,then dear friends----Shah Rukh Khan is my uncle.....More about Shah Rukh uncle later....

Uncles fall into two categories...Nice ones - People who have tantalizing daughters and would like you or preferably me, to teach their daughters advanced math (People seem to have this impression that I'm good at math, I dont know why but why do they not realize the simple fact that I have commendable bike driving skills)...It would be blasphemy to talk anything ill about them.It also includes people who have raised creatures who declare themselves your friends and provide shelter when you are intoxicated and cannot go home...And then there are not so good ones...I'm talking about some painful dudes who judge u by their own set of rules.Our destiny is to continue on their personal journey and the expectency of spiritual progression.Their anxiety and unsatiating thirst for knowledge impels them to ask embarrasing questions at unearthly hours...like for example, asking me my wherabouts on the previous night after a hard night out at the pub is simply unacceptable....I dont usually lie.It does not agree with my principles.. But under such circumstances, to preserve the balance of the society,and respecting the well being of my folks ,I'm forced to lie .Have a heart people..Rules are meant to be broken and sins are meant to commited..God is merciful....All u gotta do is to keep reading a few verses from your respective holy books loudly after you turn fifty...It should be loud enough for your children and grand children in your neighbouring room to hear..So the next time you discover your grandparents involved in some rigid and tense "worshipping" shouting at the top of their voice, you can be pretty sure that they have sinned like crazy.Dont let them down friends.Live upto your tradition.God will forgive them and God will forgive you....
Peace, love and empathy..............

2 Comments:

Blogger Alpha0 said...

Hilarious..
Keep it up..

6:19 AM  
Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Loved the post!! BTW, how many of these uncles do ya have?

5:45 AM  

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