February 02, 2006

Tinak ‘thin’ thin’

“Pay for ten kgs and get five kgs free.” This is not ITC trying to capture the FMCG market by offering extra atta for the price of 10 kilos. (Though I wish it was.) In fact it is a complete antithesis of these kinds of expectations. It is VLCC coming forward in a bid to allure overstuffed butterballs who weigh atleast 15 kilograms (The figure being the outcome of the process of adding 10 and 5) and are in a constant endeavor to bridge the gap between the haves and the have-nots. The whole process of shedding weight is likely to earn them respect and recognition in society, a more positive attitude towards things, a zest for life and above all a gratifying orgasm. And going by the reports in the tabloids, VLCC seems to be doing ‘pretty’ well for itself and its customers.

Going by sheer experience, we all know the social stigma that is associated with being healthy (with due apologies to Obelix). Right from school days, nobody lets go of a chance to poke fun at the flabby ones in public. The sight of an overweight student by itself forms a reason enough, to plunge into a boisterous mirth. These guys don’t get invited to birthday parties, nobody wants admit them into their ultra-cool friends’ circle and they rarely get picked for the official sports contingent. When young Amit learnt that pretty Alisha dotes on slick, athletic sportsmen, he tried really hard to get selected into his school cricket team. After sweating away to glory, he was asked to be an umpire in an inter school game. Alisha, of course, wasn’t really impressed. I guess, Amit is now a chronic alcoholic who’ll eventually turn out to be a wife-beater.

And sometimes this leads to some serious repercussions from the victims. Girls resort to stuff like slicing away their wrists and banging their heads on the walls. This is done after dislodging all the stationary from the writing desk with one single sweep and then breaking the mirror with a paper weight followed by a one hour session of convulsive breakdown. Guys take to more serious stuff. Most of them become serial killers. And those who are too apprehensive of taking to serial killing, become blog writers.

This kind of social boycott keeps haunting them even in the later part of their lives. (Unless of course they know java and .NET really well.) Their long cherished dreams of becoming air hostesses, personal secretaries, bar dancers, actresses, HR and strategic growth personnel (I can see some of you nodding their heads in approval) remain largely unrealized if they aren’t slender enough. And those who are hired based on their skills alone, more often than not, become green with envy and sometimes jealousy when they see skinny confident colleagues - the cynosure of all eyes, beaming with energy with a halo around their heads. (I see all of you nodding their heads in approval).

Some, who are determined enough to ameliorate their wretched, deplorable bodies, head straight to professional body toning solutions. Success rarely beckons them. And in case it does, their folks, in an attempt to strike while the iron is hot, set up an arranged marriage before things get out of hand. Poor things. Its like staring at all the delicious cakes that are stocked at the bakers and being unable to buy any. The cynics on the other hand, sit at their desks and continue blogging.

History tells us that all the great emperors, warriors and knights were heavily built (meaning woh log mote the).And it is often said that we should take lessons from history. But I’m yet to find a youngster who wants to be like Akbar or Sher Shah Suri. People instead want to emulate cheapsters like Salman Khan and John Abraham. You’ll find most of them in gyms, spas, parks - jogging, running, jumping, skipping, screaming and banging in a never-ending pursuit of looking just a little bit thinner. Give up oily food and peanut butter sauce to fill the artificially created void right in the middle of their hearts. No wonder VLCC is a successful enterprise.

Huh, enough of glorifying thin, thinner and thinnest. Its time we healthy people take the reins and start framing the rules of the game. I’m not really sure of what exactly needs to be done but I guess you can figure that out (Note that a 'fast unto death' is not so much a valid solution here). I envision a perfect utopia in which, all of us keep hogging on double cheese burgers, spicy chicken biryani, alu paranthas and laddoos without really worrying about silly things like whether any father in his sane mind will offer his daughter’s hand in marriage or not.So please work for it.


Blogger Shashi said...

Wht made you start a WAR against thin people??

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The man is getting off track..........VLCC!!??#$%@# and his diapers?@#$@^@$%

3:45 AM  
Anonymous Kunal said...

Hey Sajid

Good one :) I liked it. Hail the Chicken biriyani!! Remember Veroonas burgers :-)

8:35 AM  
Blogger Dijas said...

Shash, am not starting a war against 'thin people'. I am only consoling my kind.
And Q'nal, good to see you here.How on earth can I forget veroonas and the good old chee rock.

8:35 PM  
Blogger Harshdeep said...

As a long term side effect of this post, I see competition going down for finding mates as people start realizing the sheer uselessness of trying to look like John Abraham or Arjun Ramlal.

Good work dijas - we owe you.

5:11 AM  
Blogger Dijas said...

Wohers my dosh ?

10:03 AM  
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4:53 PM  

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